C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day