I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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