Texts From Last Night

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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I thought you said his peep was too small

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.

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  (505): I thought you said his peep was too small (1-505): it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on. http://tfl.nu/ttsw
  Replies (11) Good night (659) Bad night (1737)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she

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  (301): she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying (203): but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she http://tfl.nu/l9o1
  Replies (34) Good night (4532) Bad night (875)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.

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  (907): It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am. http://tfl.nu/0rxk
  Replies (36) Good night (1012) Bad night (5559)
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  (916): View more from California

  And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.

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  (916): And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides. http://tfl.nu/gjkd
  Replies (29) Good night (1486) Bad night (3250)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  she was licking his armpits.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.

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  (317): she was licking his armpits. (317): asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story. http://tfl.nu/2ll0
  Replies (24) Good night (1030) Bad night (4978)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?

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  (256): Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background? http://tfl.nu/fohx
  Replies (6) Good night (1108) Bad night (2253)
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  (760): View more from California

  Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.

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  (760): Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI. http://tfl.nu/53k1
  Replies (6) Good night (2131) Bad night (799)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  don't cry, we can learn from her

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  (248): the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness (1-248): don't cry, we can learn from her http://tfl.nu/jqhb
  Replies (2) Good night (1644) Bad night (756)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.

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  (307): I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street. http://tfl.nu/3ofi
  Replies (2) Good night (1566) Bad night (511)
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  (707): View more from California

  It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.

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  (707): It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know. http://tfl.nu/9rsw
  Replies (20) Good night (1565) Bad night (550)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball

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  (917): I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball http://tfl.nu/axxp
  Replies (24) Good night (567) Bad night (2758)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.

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  (205): It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time. http://tfl.nu/qk61
  Replies (2) Good night (1070) Bad night (366)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.

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  (469): I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way. http://tfl.nu/iucx
  Replies (4) Good night (407) Bad night (1087)
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  (562): View more from California

  Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.

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  (562): Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight. http://tfl.nu/c5kp
  Replies (4) Good night (688) Bad night (350)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.

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  (206): You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose. http://tfl.nu/ks8l
  Replies (1) Good night (536) Bad night (319)

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