she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This baby is an asshole
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
