I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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