Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse