Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
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did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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