TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
