it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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