When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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