Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
