No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
