I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
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