My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
