My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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