I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
