Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
