shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
That's intense
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm like, not good at living.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
