when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
