If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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