So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
