A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
