Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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