Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
