i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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