Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
