i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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