google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
