just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
