My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
