You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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