I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
