so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
