The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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