Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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