Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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