im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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