yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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