I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
