So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
