Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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