And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
