Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
