please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
