is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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