thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
