I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i believe in u and ur pee
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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