am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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