he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
