I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize