PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
