i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
