the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
