I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
