Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
