What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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