she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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