he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
