We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You're a waste of cheezeits
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
