i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize