He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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