Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
