What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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