if you like me you must not know who I am
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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