He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
