My nipple is on Facebook.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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