Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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