I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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