Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
