so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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