just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
