Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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